So for those of you who don't know - these past few months have been filled to the brim with stress. My dream school is the #9 top liberal arts college in the nation. It has an acceptance rate of 25%. Nothing in the world meant more to me than getting into this college.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Christmas Problems: Why this is my favorite AND my least favorite holiday.
Christmas. Even if you aren't Christian, you probably celebrate it at least a little bit. It has become the secular symbol of consumerism, and unfortunately, I am played HARDEST by the corporations who want my money.
My issue is simple. I simply have NO sense of money management when Christmas rolls around. It's absolutely ridiculous. Any other time of the year, I am hard-pressed to buy ANYTHING because I am the most frugal, penny-saving freak you will ever meet.
My issue is simple. I simply have NO sense of money management when Christmas rolls around. It's absolutely ridiculous. Any other time of the year, I am hard-pressed to buy ANYTHING because I am the most frugal, penny-saving freak you will ever meet.
Friday, November 29, 2013
The Two Most Important Lessons I Have Learned
This past August, my life changed. I don't remember exactly what made me sign up for the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen (GISHWHES), but I do remember being excited about it for months on end. I remember getting other people involved, and I remember going into the official GISHWHES chat room and making friends with every poor, unsuspecting soul in there. (And for the record; I made TONS of friends that way and it was possibly one of the coolest parts about GISHWHES.)
The big week finally rolled around, and it was insanity. Night after night, I slaved away. I did things I never expected to find myself doing (which is kind of the point). I cried tears of frustration over making a bikini out of tea bags. I build Big Ben out of the books in our library. I made a pad and tampon giraffe with Tatiana, and then we put the fabulous thing in many strange positions trying to get the perfect photo to send to Misha.
And then, I hugged so many people, helping to break a world record of hugs. I sent complements to people I'm not terribly close to over Twitter. I wrote a letter to a soldier. I did things that just made me happy. I got so many responses with the Twitter complements; people I never expected to have much to say about me came back and told me that I had inspired them in one way or another or even just retweeted it. And that was it. I didn't get revered as a saint, I didn't receive any kind of amazing kindness or miracle or anything like that. But I honestly brightened some days. Maybe not everyone cared, but at the very least, I was able to be honest with some people who I didn't get to talk to very much and I was able to make some people smile. That was the best feeling, and I was pumped all day because of it.
That's the lesson I learned. Well, one of two important lessons that kind of go together.
1) You create your own stories. So many times, we lead boring lives. We have dreams of changing the world, or doing the impossible, etc. These dreams come from an early age, possibly at a time before we understand how hard it is to be special in a world where everyone competes for it. But I learned something about being special: it doesn't just happen to you. You don't just wake up an extraordinary human being with all kinds of facets to your personality that make others envy you. The truth is; most of us are boring. But that's totally up to us. We have the power to try new things, to travel, to hone our talents into skills, to craft new things, to learn new things. We have the ability to be people we never thought we could be. With GISHWHES, I was told to throw myself out of my comfort zone and to try new things. In doing that, I learned to be brave and ultimately, to move the things you never thought yourself to be capable of to the TOP of your to-do list. It was the best lesson I could ever have learned, and months later, I'm still doing just that.
2) The best way to be happy is to make other people happy. I swear on my life, this is the only drug worth having. "Happiness" is such a fragile thing; it will often not come all at once and once it does, it's easy to lose. But it is infectious. It is lovely and wonderful. It's like having the essence of Christmas morning in you. And so many people don't understand how to make themselves feel that. But I found the way, or at least the way that works for me. Make other people happy. Practice radical hospitality. The best, most fulfilling moment of GISHWHES was easy for me to pick out: the Twitter complements. It was because with such a simple act, something that took hardly ten minutes, I brightened some days. I felt good about myself. I was totally happy. GISHWHES encourages you to do everything you can to help others and to be the person that people need around just to spread cheer and make things brighter. My personal quote that I constantly tell myself is to "be the sunshine in someone's life". And it's difficult. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is have a smile on my face, but doing that usually makes me feel better, and maybe it makes other people feel better, too. I don't know. I might never know if the things I do truly make a difference. But I know now, because of GISHWHES, that the only way to make a difference is to try.
As my personal hero, Andrew DuCote / (Speiling) Peter Pan would say: Keep Adventuring and Stay Not A Grown-Up!
- Erica Kriner
The big week finally rolled around, and it was insanity. Night after night, I slaved away. I did things I never expected to find myself doing (which is kind of the point). I cried tears of frustration over making a bikini out of tea bags. I build Big Ben out of the books in our library. I made a pad and tampon giraffe with Tatiana, and then we put the fabulous thing in many strange positions trying to get the perfect photo to send to Misha.
And then, I hugged so many people, helping to break a world record of hugs. I sent complements to people I'm not terribly close to over Twitter. I wrote a letter to a soldier. I did things that just made me happy. I got so many responses with the Twitter complements; people I never expected to have much to say about me came back and told me that I had inspired them in one way or another or even just retweeted it. And that was it. I didn't get revered as a saint, I didn't receive any kind of amazing kindness or miracle or anything like that. But I honestly brightened some days. Maybe not everyone cared, but at the very least, I was able to be honest with some people who I didn't get to talk to very much and I was able to make some people smile. That was the best feeling, and I was pumped all day because of it.
That's the lesson I learned. Well, one of two important lessons that kind of go together.
1) You create your own stories. So many times, we lead boring lives. We have dreams of changing the world, or doing the impossible, etc. These dreams come from an early age, possibly at a time before we understand how hard it is to be special in a world where everyone competes for it. But I learned something about being special: it doesn't just happen to you. You don't just wake up an extraordinary human being with all kinds of facets to your personality that make others envy you. The truth is; most of us are boring. But that's totally up to us. We have the power to try new things, to travel, to hone our talents into skills, to craft new things, to learn new things. We have the ability to be people we never thought we could be. With GISHWHES, I was told to throw myself out of my comfort zone and to try new things. In doing that, I learned to be brave and ultimately, to move the things you never thought yourself to be capable of to the TOP of your to-do list. It was the best lesson I could ever have learned, and months later, I'm still doing just that.
2) The best way to be happy is to make other people happy. I swear on my life, this is the only drug worth having. "Happiness" is such a fragile thing; it will often not come all at once and once it does, it's easy to lose. But it is infectious. It is lovely and wonderful. It's like having the essence of Christmas morning in you. And so many people don't understand how to make themselves feel that. But I found the way, or at least the way that works for me. Make other people happy. Practice radical hospitality. The best, most fulfilling moment of GISHWHES was easy for me to pick out: the Twitter complements. It was because with such a simple act, something that took hardly ten minutes, I brightened some days. I felt good about myself. I was totally happy. GISHWHES encourages you to do everything you can to help others and to be the person that people need around just to spread cheer and make things brighter. My personal quote that I constantly tell myself is to "be the sunshine in someone's life". And it's difficult. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is have a smile on my face, but doing that usually makes me feel better, and maybe it makes other people feel better, too. I don't know. I might never know if the things I do truly make a difference. But I know now, because of GISHWHES, that the only way to make a difference is to try.
As my personal hero, Andrew DuCote / (Speiling) Peter Pan would say: Keep Adventuring and Stay Not A Grown-Up!
- Erica Kriner
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Book Coping: How Not To Die and Take Everyone With You
This has been a tough day. I fell asleep a little past 2:00 AM last night, and I feel like I need gallons of coffee before I will feel like a normal human being. All day, a fire has been licking across my eyelids and has threatened to spill over the threshold onto my skin, burning and ripping through it like acid.
This is not healthy book coping.
Readers, I want to let you in on a few things.
1. When I walked into my first period class, I dropped to the ground and bawled for a few minutes, much to the discomfort of my fellow classmates. This episode went on for a good while and has been lurking in the background, waiting for a good time to spring back at me. I got told "It's just a book" a good ten times before people decided to leave me alone.
2. Tatiana had an attack of the ants in her clothes and described the pain that was spreading throughout her body. Unsympathetically, I explained that her situation was a perfect analogy for what I'm feeling today.
3. My logic when I am in such deep despair over a book, turns to stupidity. What happens is this progression, where my heart is battered after trying to cling to [insert dead character here] and finally realizes that the effort must be placed elsewhere. You may think the logical thing is to focus that emotional energy into something productive, but me? Definitely not. That would be much too easy for my logic to agree with such a plan. No. I have to go get another book. Oh, that's not that bad, right? Just grab a trashy teen comedy and be done with it in a day or two! Unfortunately, my life is not that simple. What my body craves is more sadness. I am the biggest book masochist I've ever met in my life. In order to move on from one tragedy, I have to progress towards another. See, the trick lies in the journey. After reading Allegiant, I was hyper-focused on the deaths of major characters that will remain unnamed. So what my heart needed was an outlet to release that pain that wasn't so scarring. Therefore, I had to find a book that allowed for the possibility of tragedy, but it wasn't a certain, impending doom. The suspense is necessary; it offers me something equally enveloping to latch onto to distract from the first book. Hopefully, the book is long enough to allow for some healing before that possible tragedy does or does not occur.
So how, you ask, does this relate to my problem at hand?
I went to the library and happened to find a book I've wanted to read for a LONG time: The Book Thief. Those of you who have read this already probably know how I'm feeling. It's not even page 20 and I am deeply concerned for my emotional wellbeing. I think this falls under the category of certain, impending doom.
Dear readers, if you don't hear from me again soon, please come find me and make sure I'm okay.
-Erica Kriner
This is not healthy book coping.
Readers, I want to let you in on a few things.
1. When I walked into my first period class, I dropped to the ground and bawled for a few minutes, much to the discomfort of my fellow classmates. This episode went on for a good while and has been lurking in the background, waiting for a good time to spring back at me. I got told "It's just a book" a good ten times before people decided to leave me alone.
2. Tatiana had an attack of the ants in her clothes and described the pain that was spreading throughout her body. Unsympathetically, I explained that her situation was a perfect analogy for what I'm feeling today.
3. My logic when I am in such deep despair over a book, turns to stupidity. What happens is this progression, where my heart is battered after trying to cling to [insert dead character here] and finally realizes that the effort must be placed elsewhere. You may think the logical thing is to focus that emotional energy into something productive, but me? Definitely not. That would be much too easy for my logic to agree with such a plan. No. I have to go get another book. Oh, that's not that bad, right? Just grab a trashy teen comedy and be done with it in a day or two! Unfortunately, my life is not that simple. What my body craves is more sadness. I am the biggest book masochist I've ever met in my life. In order to move on from one tragedy, I have to progress towards another. See, the trick lies in the journey. After reading Allegiant, I was hyper-focused on the deaths of major characters that will remain unnamed. So what my heart needed was an outlet to release that pain that wasn't so scarring. Therefore, I had to find a book that allowed for the possibility of tragedy, but it wasn't a certain, impending doom. The suspense is necessary; it offers me something equally enveloping to latch onto to distract from the first book. Hopefully, the book is long enough to allow for some healing before that possible tragedy does or does not occur.
So how, you ask, does this relate to my problem at hand?
I went to the library and happened to find a book I've wanted to read for a LONG time: The Book Thief. Those of you who have read this already probably know how I'm feeling. It's not even page 20 and I am deeply concerned for my emotional wellbeing. I think this falls under the category of certain, impending doom.
Dear readers, if you don't hear from me again soon, please come find me and make sure I'm okay.
-Erica Kriner
Allegiant Feels *WARNING: SPOILERS*
I can see it already: today will be spent being miserable, avoiding meaningful contact with other humans at all times possible with the exception of Bethany. I feel as if I have been enveloped in darkness, spiraling down towards the Void. More than anything, I need an adventure of my own. I know that continuing on in day-to-day routine is going to drive me crazy if I don't find some way to relieve some of the pent-up insanity in me. All I want is Gandalf to show up at my door, ready to take me on a fighting adventure complete with goblins and orcs. Or for the Doctor to bump into me and decide to take me on his adventures into the deepest realms of time and space. Anything. Something with a happy ending, but a suspenseful buildup.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Journal Entry #001: Homecoming Week
So, my high school is having its Homecoming Week. As per the usual, we have our crazy days (Monday - Pajama Day, Tuesday - Opposite Sex Day, Wednesday - Decade Day [Seniors have the 80s], Thursday - Homecoming T-shirt Day, && Friday - Black and White and/or 'MURICA Day). It's day #2 and I've decided to go all out this year, which means I'm having TONS of fun.
Day #1: I wore pajamas, didn't mess with my hair, didn't put on makeup, and I brought a blanket and a teddy bear. (It was Howard's first day of school!) It was fun, but nothing terribly special. I wanted to wear a onesie, but there were none in sight. A shame, really.
Day #2: I'm wearing my new Panic! At The Disco suit-shirt, my Panic! hoodie, a bright orange cap turned sideways, jeans, and work boots. The boots are a new phenomenon. I feel like my feet are being eaten by warm monsters. Socks are terrible. I'm too girly to handle this day. Also, I put my eyebrow makeup on generously and also created a mustache and soul patch. It's pretty legitimate. Tatiana told me I look creepy. Wyatt, Jacob, and of course Liam all look great and I took pictures with them. Bethany is making me question my sexuality. I'm really confused today.
Tomorrow, I plan on going all out! It's 80s all the way; I'm super excited! I'm going to tease my hair; EVERYTHING. It's going to happen.
But yeah. Homecoming Week is fantastic so far. I usually don't dress up, but I decided that I needed to my senior year, and I have yet to regret it at all.
SUPER READY FOR LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A BEARD.
-Erica Kriner
Day #1: I wore pajamas, didn't mess with my hair, didn't put on makeup, and I brought a blanket and a teddy bear. (It was Howard's first day of school!) It was fun, but nothing terribly special. I wanted to wear a onesie, but there were none in sight. A shame, really.
Day #2: I'm wearing my new Panic! At The Disco suit-shirt, my Panic! hoodie, a bright orange cap turned sideways, jeans, and work boots. The boots are a new phenomenon. I feel like my feet are being eaten by warm monsters. Socks are terrible. I'm too girly to handle this day. Also, I put my eyebrow makeup on generously and also created a mustache and soul patch. It's pretty legitimate. Tatiana told me I look creepy. Wyatt, Jacob, and of course Liam all look great and I took pictures with them. Bethany is making me question my sexuality. I'm really confused today.
Tomorrow, I plan on going all out! It's 80s all the way; I'm super excited! I'm going to tease my hair; EVERYTHING. It's going to happen.
But yeah. Homecoming Week is fantastic so far. I usually don't dress up, but I decided that I needed to my senior year, and I have yet to regret it at all.
SUPER READY FOR LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A BEARD.
-Erica Kriner
Friday, May 17, 2013
High School Incompetence and the Troubles it Causes Motivated Students
In a perfect world, a driven student who wants challenging and rigorous course work and a high GPA could achieve just that, with the faculty and administration behind them every step of the way. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. And my future may suffer because of it.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
5 Reasons I Hate Being A Feminist
So, today my mother and I had a long discussion about feminism and rape culture and all those nice things. And the longer we talked, the more I realize that being a feminist is HARD, and definitely puts you in a very small minority. And I started to realize that I face a lot of problems being a feminist, both from a mental perspective and stemming from society in general. So here are 5 reasons that I hate being a feminist.
*Disclaimer: None of these make me any less willing to call myself a feminist. And honestly, they should make you as a reader MORE upset and willing to help the feminist cause. These are just basic issues I face when I label myself as such.
*Disclaimer: None of these make me any less willing to call myself a feminist. And honestly, they should make you as a reader MORE upset and willing to help the feminist cause. These are just basic issues I face when I label myself as such.
Monday, May 6, 2013
The Youth Service Fund @ Spring Rally
So, if you haven't read my previous posts, then you might not know that I am heavily involved in my church. I have spent the past couple of years being the Youth Service Fund Chair over the Southeast District, and this past school year was when I finally got to plan this stuff out myself. And let me tell you - I had big goals.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Ideas and Activism
Imagine it: An organization that houses the homeless, puts them through a job-training course and finds them work. Or, in another universe, an organization geared towards helping kids find their passion - something to keep them away from alcohol and drugs and other things that they often do in fits of boredom or when they reach low points. These are my dreams; my causes that I am passionate about. And I have many others, but I feel like my organization could contribute much to these particular issues.
Musicals and Why I Love Them
So, everyone has something they absolutely love. And more often than not, this love is ridiculed by many of any one person's peers. My laughable love is for musicals.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Long and Boring Post about My Life
I have decided to give a post with some insight into who I am. Surely, after many more posts, that image would come together naturally, but I like efficiency. (And let's be honest - I like talking about myself.)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Self-Improvement and Deduction
Recently, I have decided that my goal for self-improvement is to work on things that I have always been bad at/never thought I could do. That is the thinking that spurred my endeavors into art, and look at how well that has turned out for me!
Philosophy in the Morning Pt. 1: Home
You often hear the phrase, "There's no place like home", but I don't know exactly how I feel about that. In the most literal sense, it's very true - no other place recreates the one that I call "home". But in another sense, what does this even mean by the word? Home generally refers to a place of residence, but my home is much more than that. It is an embodiment of my family and music and memories. In that respect, I both love home and want to get away from it.
Home is a wonderful place for me, for many others, it isn't. However, my entire life was spent at home, and to me, there's no place like the rest of the world. My home is adventure - seeing new things and trying new experiences. Going around the world, changing lives and creating a better person within me.
And in a totally different direction, my home is with people I truly love and who love me back. ASMSA is home because John and some of my best friends are there.
Conference is home because I love all those people immensely and would give anything to have more than one last year to spend with them.
My home isn't confined to one single area, then. It is across the state - the country, even. And not the state or the country itself, but rather some of the places and people in it.
So that phrase doesn't mean a whole lot to me, because my home is wherever I go and whoever I meet that I fall in love with. My home is comprised of oceans, mountains, and deserts. My home is comprised of Americans, Canadians, Asians, and more. My home is both on the ground and in the sky. My home is in this world and fictional ones. My home is me, and my home is everything I love.
So maybe, there IS no place like home. But at the same time, when home consists of so much, what isn't home?
Home is a wonderful place for me, for many others, it isn't. However, my entire life was spent at home, and to me, there's no place like the rest of the world. My home is adventure - seeing new things and trying new experiences. Going around the world, changing lives and creating a better person within me.
And in a totally different direction, my home is with people I truly love and who love me back. ASMSA is home because John and some of my best friends are there.
Conference is home because I love all those people immensely and would give anything to have more than one last year to spend with them.
My home isn't confined to one single area, then. It is across the state - the country, even. And not the state or the country itself, but rather some of the places and people in it.
So that phrase doesn't mean a whole lot to me, because my home is wherever I go and whoever I meet that I fall in love with. My home is comprised of oceans, mountains, and deserts. My home is comprised of Americans, Canadians, Asians, and more. My home is both on the ground and in the sky. My home is in this world and fictional ones. My home is me, and my home is everything I love.
So maybe, there IS no place like home. But at the same time, when home consists of so much, what isn't home?
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