Abuse in a Highly Competitive High School

When I was a junior in high school, I attended a highly-competitive magnet school which fostered intense, sometimes vicious competition between its students. We were systematically told that we were the “best and brightest” of our state, and that we were competing with each other for the top few, coveted spots in the Ivy League Schools. Being at that school felt like a nightmare, and the stress was compounded over and over again until I found myself sitting opposite my toughest professor, crying. I didn’t mean to start crying – as a matter of fact, I was terrified of doing so because he was known to berate people who cried. Even in public. But he happened to be my advisor as well, and when I began to tell him that I could barely eat, let alone focus on my schoolwork, he interrupted me to say “Well, if you would stop crying, maybe you could get your work done.”

A few weeks later, as I considered returning to my public school, this same man would tell me that if I left, no one would remember me.

Updates on My Life & A Commitment to Better Blogging

I feel like it is necessary at this point to catch people up in the world of Erica Kriner. There have been a few major developments since I last posted and I think it’s time to dust off this old blog and continue on with my story on the sole narcissistic belief that someone out there actually cares. So let’s go through the basics:

•  My love life has changed a little bit since we last spoke. Previous Boyfriend who I wrote about and I broke up – it was a pretty uneventful thing. We’re still on good terms. Now, I’m with Current Love Interest who will probably be my boyfriend here soon, and who is wildly different from the former, but it’s really exciting and amazing and he makes me very happy.
• I am in Arkansas for the time being, and will not be back in Philly until spring semester. I’m a bit bored, but that has recently been made a little easier to bear with the aforementioned, as well as…
• My new writing endeavors! Not only did I start my own website where I do reviews and talk about social issues and politics (http://culturalettes.com), but I also was selected to become an actual contributor to an actual magazine! So if you ever want to read writing that I put a lot more time and effort into than my personal blog, check out one of my articles of The Odyssey Online, which I will begin posting here when they are published!

In other news, I turn 20 years old in a little over two days. This is a big deal for me, as I will officially be entering my third decade of life! So much happened in my second decade – I wonder if I can outdo myself this time around. I’ll need to write another novel – that’s for sure. I’ll need to accomplish some stuff on my bucket list. It’s so daunting! How different will my life be when I’m about to turn 30?

Tatiana seems to think turning 20 is a boring age, but to me, this is a huge development. I feel like 20 is the first year I will be taken seriously as an adult, which is super exciting. (I guess I should stop crying at Disney movies and maybe stop building pillow forts in my free time. Oops.)

Also, as one of my first Adult Goals on turning 20, I plan on being much more active in all my blogging spheres. That means more personal blogs, more writing on The Culturalettes, and of course – keeping up with The Odyssey.

Basically, my life is going pretty okay as of right now, and despite a lot of problems that I’ve faced this past year or so, a lot of good things have happened, too.  

An Unbiased Feminist's Look at Anita Sarkeesian

Let's talk about a woman almost everyone in today's age either loves or loathes: Anita Sarkeesian. Before I tell you what I think about her, there are a few things you should know about me.

1. I am a feminist.
2. I think there are lots of problems within the feminist movement.
3. I give everything the benefit of the doubt.

So, the feminist movement has become less of a political force and more of an internet meme, sadly. As many people who are truly recognizing the problems that women face, there are even more who call themselves feminist for publicity reasons, but who don't seem to carry those same principles throughout their career. (I love you, Beyonce, but I'm calling you out for this. You too, Taylor Swift.)

And let's be real: 'manspreading'? These are not the types of battles we should be fighting right now.

One thing I do as a feminist is really take all these different points of views into account. For example, the issue of manspreading. I think it definitely speaks to a deeply-ingrained sense of what women and men are supposed to embody, but I don't think every guy on the subway is trying to perpetuate these stereotypes, and I think attacking them for it it counterproductive.

With these things in mind, I finally decided to take a look at a woman who has polarized a lot of people on this issue. Anita Sarkeesian is a prominent feminist activist, and the face of Feminist Frequency, in which she provides a feminist analysis of elements of pop culture. I first started paying attention to her with the rise of GamerGate, where she is heavily advocating or more equal treatment of women in the world of video games.

And I heard a lot of stuff about her. I heard accusations that she is a "FemiNazi" (whatever that is), ignorant to the plights of other minorities, "man-hating", etc. And finally, I decided to look up her videos, where she was supposedly spewing her "man-hate" and encouraging all these destructive ideologies in other women.

And to be completely honest? I was expecting her to be exactly what these people were accusing her of. I expected her to be angry, make biased points and disregard problems within her argument, point out every little problem with everything, and basically ruin things that I really love. That's seriously what these comments about her had set me up to believe. So finally, when I saw her two-part series on The Hunger Games, I took a deep breath and waited for her to confirm my suspicions.

And then, something beautiful happened.

This woman is SMART. She may make a point here or there that I think is a bit unfair (most notably in her video in which she applies the Bechdel test to Oscar-nominated films), but this is usually followed by an explanation about why what she is trying to do is not a judgment on particular films/TV shows/etc. She points out tropes, and why they are problematic, but also why they might show how someone has tried to create a good female character.

Basically, she just exposes how differently women are treated, and she does it really well.

And suddenly, everything kind of makes sense. Suddenly, I understand why GamerGate is such a huge problem, because even I - a proud feminist and advocate for the cause - was beginning to question women who were guilty of nothing but being intelligent and loud.

In short: You're my hero, Anita. Thank you for continuing to be loud in a world that is telling you to be quiet.

How To: Have A Healthy Relationship

First, a disclaimer: I am not an expert. I'm only a mere 19-years-old, and my current relationship is actually the only relationship I have to go on in terms of health. But, with all my previous, and somewhat unhealthy relationships, I've learned quite a bit that I would like to pass on:

Patricia Arquette + Political Correctness

Let's have some real talk, reader.

I got to a college that is known for being WAY too politically correct. Like, we had a school-wide debate over whether you can call something/someone crazy (ie. "You're skinny dipping in the duck pond? It's 41 degrees outside - that's crazy!") due to the term being ableist (adj. discrimination against disabled). THAT is the kind of lifestyle I am having to adapt to right now. And I'll say this much: it's not hard. It really isn't difficult to stop saying "That's so gay." or similar, derogatory terms. But let's briefly discuss political correctness.

Self-Portrait for Anthropology

Strictly for your enjoyment, dear reader. Everything you need to know is in the video description.

Dearest Love,

There's a lyric in an Owl City song that goes "And I'll look at my hands and feel sad, 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly". How can those words reverberate in my soul so much when you're only a few steps away? How can you be the vehicle through which I find so much happiness, but also the one thing that makes me sad? 

I think I fear for what will be our future. I fear for a day when I might be alone, and I look back and regret the days I spent wishing your hand was in mine but not bothering to ask you. There might come a time when I can no longer kiss you and then I'll feel pain for every moment I could have felt your lips against mine but didn't.

Time is infinite, but we are finite. And at some point, one or both of us will feel that loss - that stinging pain of realizing that there will be no more hands held, no more kisses given. Some day, I'll wake up without your arm around my waist and without your sweet whispers in my ear. Whether we are torn apart by internal forces, the world, or Death himself, I will eventually find myself in the dark, without your light to guide me home.

And it's the pain I'm living now that echoes that future. It's this sinking feeling that you are not infinite, and you can not be my vessel to happiness for the rest of time. It's the pain of knowing that love always leads to heartache.

But why do I stay, you may ask?

Because in order to feel heartache, you must first feel bliss. And you, my dear, are pure bliss.

- Sunshine