Your first real, serious relationship is generally an important one in your lifetime. I remember the first relationship I had that felt like a relationship was with a boy named James. He was a couple of years older than me, and I remember singing love songs as he played piano. I remember falling madly in love with his family - so much so that I continued to love and visit with them long after we broke up.
James was that first, beautiful relationship for me. And the relationship ended messily, terribly even. It's a wonder that we still occasionally talk. And when he comes to town and I happen to see him, it takes a great deal of self-control to not bring up that relationship - to not go back to it. Because it WAS my first real relationship and it was one filled with happiness...when it was happy.
So what does that have to do with Arctic Monkeys?
A first relationship is something like a first favorite band. I don't mean favorite in the sense that you go to a couple of concerts and have all their albums. I mean favorite in that you melt every time you hear their music. You know every word to every song and only need a chord or two to know which song your listening to. Not only do you have all their albums, but you have their vinyl, even though you have no record player. You have their t-shirts, even if you don't like the design. (But you'll keep telling yourself you do because how could you not like something this band produced?)
And the break up is going to be messy. You will be left with some odd feelings towards that band. Maybe you shouldn't love them anymore but you know deep down that you always will.
So for years now, my favorite band has been - without a doubt - Panic! At The Disco. And I do mean favorite. I spent every cent I got my adolescent hands on on Panic! merchandise. I have their albums, their records, their special box sets of their albums...I could, at one point, tell your their manager's name, the names of all former back-up musicians that went on their tours, et cetera.
Panic! At The Disco is so much a part of my identity that people I don't talk to often will come to me with questions about the band, trying to recall the name of a song based on a small, insignificant lyric or a shriveled up piece of a long-lost melody they heard years back.
So here is the breakup.
It came a few days ago. I had been on a massive Arctic Monkeys binge since I got back from Philadelphia. My life is completely turning upside down. I'm headed off to college to experience the exact opposite of the life I've had here in Arkansas.
And as I laid in Tatiana's bed, wiping tears from my face as I watched Alex Turner croon I Wanna Be Yours, it struck me that Panic! At The Disco hadn't had that effect on me in a long time. It struck me that if I were going to die that next day, I would spend my last few hours listening to Arctic Monkeys - not my long-time favorites. Not my all-time favorite song (Northern Downpour).
So, my heart breaks as I'm writing this: Panic! At The Disco has retired. I still love them. I always will. I still prize my collection of memorabilia. I will still cherish the autographs. And God - the day I met two of the band members will remain the best day of my life.
But Arctic Monkeys has moved into my heart and set up their equipment - ready to play my soul to sleep. And while I want to be sad, I can't.
Now excuse me while I go listen to Mardy Bum and doodle lyrics all over my sketch pad.
With Love,
Erica Kriner
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